Assalamualaikum dear ones :)
salam barakah jumaah..^__^
anyway, as i had been promised to all of us to continue my review on this super duper ohsem book, so here it is and we are focusing on women behavior :)
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Women Are Like Waves~
whattt? women are like waves. ouh.tskkkk. how sad i am to hear that. and actually my first impression towards this subtopic was errghhhhh. it is totally wr0ng! ngaha. but after i'd finished em all, i believe and 90% agree with it! :)
why is women like waves?
bcs when she feels loved, her self esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. when she's feeling really good and ohsem, she will reach a peak! but then suddenly her mood may change and her wave crashes down. but u shud take note ya. the crash is just temporary. :)
the formula is = let her reaches the bottom of seabed , then her mood will shift back and she'll be the most beautiful and calm waves that crash the coastal .
when a woman's wave rises, she feels she has an abundance of love to give, but when it falls, she feel emptiness and needs to be filled up with loves.
How Men React to this Waves
a man assumes that her sudden change of mood is based solely on his behavior. right?. when she is happy, he takes credit and be happy to0, but when she's unhappy he feels responsible. and guy may feel so frustrated because he doesn't noe how to make things better.
one minute she seems happy, and so he believes he is doing a good job! but then, the next minute she is unhappy, he is shocked because he thought he was doing well. right?.
first and foremost,
DON'T TRY TO FIX IT.
~ if you try to fix it, actually you are make things getting worse. if you try explaining to her that she didn't need to be upset, she'll be more misunderstood and distressed.
~ when a woman moves into her 'well', he needs to learn that this is when she needs him the most! and it is not a problem to be solved or fixed, but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love.
~ don't prevent ur partner from "going down", or " bottoming out", don't try to rescue her by pulling her up., let her hit the bottom before she could come up. :)
~ what she needs is someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her while she shares her feelings, and to empathize with what she is going through.even it's hard to do, just offer her your full attention, love, support and accompany her as her wish.:)
~ and ouhh! i know all the men will get confused why she is still not okay after he practiced listening to her. right?
~ what man shud know is, when woman goes into her 'well', if she feels supported, she doesn't necessarily feel better right away. she may feel more worse. i mean, she will be more sad and gloom. but actually that is a sign that his support may be helping. his support may actually help her to hit bottom sooner and then she can and will feel better.
~to genuinely come up, she first needs to hit the bottom. that is the cycle of woman waves and emotions! so just give her your support and when she looks more upset, leave her for a while and she will be much better. arghh. it is complicated right. yeah. but by accept this fate of woman, you might feel much better and no stress! :)
~anyway, through understanding that a wave must hit the bottom before it can rise again, man can release his expectations that she'll immediately feel better in response to his assistance. get it?
~bydaway. when a woman comes out from the gloomy mood, she becomes her usual loving self again. this positive shift is generally misunderstood by men. a man typically thinks that whatever bothering her is now completely heal or resolved.
~but when there's crashes again, similar issues will arise. when her issues come up again, he become impatient bcs he thinks they have already been resolved. without understanding the wave, he finds it's hard to validate and nurture her feelings. and when woman's unresolved feeling recur again, he may respond inappropriately by saying ;
- how many times do we have to go through this?
- i'v heard all this before
- when are you going to get off it?
- i don't want to deal with this again
- this is ridiculous. we are having the same argument again
- why do you need to be so complicated
- i can't understand you anymore, you are so weird.
! WARNING SIGNS FOR MEN THAT SHE MAY BE GOING INTO HER WELL OR WHEN SHE NEEDS HIS LOVE THE MOST !
she feels she may say
overwhelmed "there is so much to do....
insecure " i need more....
worried " but..what about..
confused " i don't understand why..
exhausted " i can't do anything more..
hopeless " i don't know what to do.
passive " i don't care. do what you want...
demanding " you should....
mistrusful " what do you mean by that..
the 2nd way to react towards woman waves is by
UNDERSTANDING NEEDINESS~
don't ask her why,what and how..but just accompany her through her bottom mood. man should know that :
- a man's love and support cannot instantly resolve the problem or woman's issues, his love however can make she feels safe.
- a woman going into her well is not a man's fault or because of his failure, it's just because of herself. thinks too much and feels that she is not the best if anything bad happen.
- a man does not have to fix her problem, she is not broken at all..but just needs your love patience and understanding.
men should know that women are so complicated while there's a matter of feelings. but to help em' solve all the problems is not so complicated. just stay with her no matter what. your concern is enough rather than your effort to solve it. your warm breath is enough to calm her rather than your high IQ to settle it. your tight hug is everything to her during her bottom mood.
anyway
" men argue for the right to be free, while women argue for the right to be upset "
" men want space, while women want understand "
:)
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